Positive attitude

Be brave! The secret of happiness is courage!

veryhappyphil — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 17:26:04 +0800

“The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.”
-Thucydides, Ancient Greek historian and author, 460-404bc

This week; have a think about that!

”Studies show people regret not having done things much more than they regret things they did. Why? We can rationalise an excess of courage more easily than an excess of cowardice, because we can console ourselves by thinking of the things we learned from the experience. We hedge our bets when we should blunder forward. In fact, large-scale assaults on our happiness – a lost job or failed marriage – trigger our psychological defences (and hence promote our happiness) more than smaller annoyances. The paradoxical consequence is that it is sometimes easier to achieve a positive view of a very bad experience than a bad one. And yet we rarely choose action over inaction. Knowing we overestimate the impact of almost every life event makes me a bit braver and more relaxed because I know what I’m worrying about probably won’t matter as much as I think it will.”- Daniel Gilbert, Harvard University

Have a happy BEING BRAVE week!

Keep positive!

Phil McNally
Author & Happiness Expert

Remember,
“Happy people have freedom! Happy people are brave!"

– Phil McNally, Author & Happiness Expert

PS I am pleased to see many rugby players and Glasgow based footballer and ex footballer like Billy Dodds on TV growing their MO for movember!

10,000 men in the UK die from cancer every year. More than women.

Get more info on cancer here;
www.nhs.uk

There are two types of people Drains and Radiators!

veryhappyphil — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 18:58:07 +0800

There are two types of people Drains and Radiators!

Drains =people that drain energy of everyone they talk to and deal with. Negative people!
Radiators = people that radiate energy and uplift others. Positive People!

In life and in work watch out for the drains!

This week; have a think about that!

People are either positive or negative. Rarely are they neutral.

People rarely change. But it can happen. I will tell you a little story; Clive Woodward told his team there are ‘energisers’ and there are ‘sappers’ and he wont tolerate energy sappers in the team! So the sappers changed.

It can happen in real life too. I will give you an example; A friend of mine took part in Enduro Africa and out of 90 riders in the team only 1 was a negative drain/sapper to be around. The person was told in no uncertain terms that the whole team wish he wasn’t there and why. One morning he woke up. He cryed. He changed.

Drains are a nightmare and I like to avoid them.

Have a happy RADIATOR week!

Keep positive!
Phil McNally
Author & Happiness Expert

Remember,
“There are two types of people Drains and Radiators! Happy people avoid the drains!”
– Phil McNally, Author & Happiness Expert

PS Are you growing a moustache for Movember?

There is more right with you than wrong with you!

veryhappyphil — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 18:55:52 +0800

There is more right with you than wrong with you!

This week; have a think about that!

Have a happy week!

Keep positive!
Phil McNally
Author & Happiness Expert

Remember,
“There is more right with you than wrong with you!”
– Phil McNally, Author & Happiness Expert

Do you believe?

veryhappyphil — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:52:26 +0800

Are you a believer? Or
Are you a non-believer?

Are you wondering what the heck I’m talking about?! Well, despite what you may have guessed I am not talking about God (maybe next week!). I am interested to know whether you believe you can improve a skill or improve on knowledge.

What are you good at?
Can you walk?, talk, swim? Run? Read?

We never start out gifted and brilliant at anything (apart from automatic inborn skills like breathing and peeing!). We learn. We get better.

What 3 things do Michael Jordan, Jonny Wilkinson and Andy Murray have in common?
They WERE all RUBBISH!
(Andy’s mum told me so. Jonny and Michael got kicked out of teams as kids.)
They all BELIEVED they could improve!
They all became GREAT!

If you have read my book ‘Winning Mentality’ you know all this already. I point out that some of our beliefs are false. I called them ‘santa claus beliefs’! We thought it was true until we found out crucial information (the truth!)

Surely we are all smart effort to be accurate about our beliefs. Wrong Do you know that MOST drivers (70%) think they are above average drivers!
Only 45% of drivers can be above average!
About 1% (or 10% at most) can be around average driving ability. 40% are below average!
So 30% of people (1 in 3) have a false belief about their driving!

Think better, feel better!

veryhappyphil — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 17:16:40 +0800

How we think will effect how we feel.

Has someone ever made you angry?

No. We make ourselves angry by the thoughts we choose!
When I first become aware of this it made me very angry!
Sometimes it still does!

Happy thoughts create a happy person.

Positive thoughts create a positive person.

Loving thoughts create a loving person.

Negative thoughts create a negative person.

Sad thoughts create a sad person.

Angry thoughts create an angry person.

I will tell you a little story. A wise woman called Katie Bryon realised how her angry thoughts made her feel angry and she devised a way to ‘turn around’ her thoughts and thereby ‘turn around’ her feelings.

I will give you an example; In 5 simple steps we can feel better by thinking better! The Work consists of four questions and a turnaround. Use each step to examine your thinking; 1.Is it true?
2.Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3.How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
5. Then turn it around (the concept you are questioning), and don't forget to find three genuine, specific examples of each turnaround.

Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of your original statement and see what you and the person you've judged have in common. A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to "my thinking," wherever that applies). Find a minimum of three genuine, specific examples in your life where each turnaround is true.

It could be worse!

veryhappyphil — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 17:03:21 +0800

Sometimes one of the most advantageous ways to think whether we encounter a bad experience or not, is how much worse it could be. Putting things in perspective is called counter factual thinking by physiologists. Counter factual thinking makes us happier and luckier.

I will give you an example; Putting things in perspective makes us more grateful. And gratitude is the attitude found in happy people.

Your task this week; Take a few moments to ponder how much worse things could be. Use this technique especially if you are feeling low or have a challenging experience.

Note; If this way of thinking does not help us and if we feel unhappy for several weeks we could need professional help. Read here;

http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/how-spot-depression-and-deal-with-it?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_content=%20It%20could%20be%20worse!&utm_campaign=winningmentality

Here are a few of my favourite quotes which inspire me;

“I had a twenty four hour rule to celebrate a victory or bemoan a defeat. Don’t get a big head if you win or get too down in the dumps when you lose. Keep things in perspective. Success is not forever and failure isn’t fatal.”
-American coach Don Shula, most successful NFL coach ever

“Lucky people employ various psychological techniques to cope with, and often even thrive upon, the ill fortune that comes their way. For example, they spontaneously imagine how things could have been worse, do not dwell on the ill fortune, and take control of the situation.”

Avoid models and millionaires!

veryhappyphil — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 17:02:58 +0800

Happiness is just like health, it’s not just what you do that is important it is also what you don’t do.

I will give you an example; 80% of women who read a women’s fashion magazine for just 3 minutes lowered their self esteem. Comparing their bodies to models bodies was likely the reason.

If fasion is not your thing. The same goes for fitness magazines. They are full of models too. And is business or success interests you, the same goes for comparing ourselves to those with bigger wallets or better businesses.

Your task this week; avoid advertising (TV, magazine, radio and web) and any fashion, Hollywood article or ‘rich and famous’ article. Everything that consciously or subconsciously may have an impact upon you and lower your self esteem, happiness and confidence.

Optional Extra; avoid the news for a week too and get twice the benefit!

Enjoy the silence! Enjoy the time. Do something you enjoy and which give you joy instead!
Have a happy NO MODELS –NO MILLIONAIRS week!

Keep positive!
Phil McNally
Happiness Expert

Remember,
“Happy people have happy habits! Happy people avoid over comparing!”

–Phil McNally, Author & Happiness Expert

PS I am excited to announce that exclusive a workshop for men and women is happening in September in Edinburgh, Aberdeen and Glasgow!

Would you like to live with more passion, less fear, more love, more purpose and more self awareness?!

Over thinking is a happiness killer!

veryhappyphil — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 12:23:10 +0800

Every week I consider a topic that I would find most useful to ponder. This week I could not stop thinking about what I thought/feel could be a huge mistake financially. Even knowing and using some of the tips below I still found it a huge challenge. I was aware my thinking and regretting and beating myself was not helpful, but it was hard for me not too. You may find it too.

“Over thinking is thinking too much- needlessly, passively, endlessly and excessively pondering the meanings , causes and consequences of your character, your feelings and your problems; “Why am I so unhappy?”….. “What did he really mean by that remark” and so on.”
--Prof Sonja Lyubomirsky Ph.D. ‘The How of Happiness’

We can often consciously or unconsciously wasting our time Thinking; worrying, regretting, comparing, self focused judging or present day analyzing and assessing.

I went to see happiness expert Ajahn Brahm and asked him to give me one tip to help me increase my happiness. He said “Stop thinking.”

That was it! I smiled, nodded and left!

Over thinking expert and author Susan Nolen-Hoeksema gives this advice; “Cut free, move to higher ground and avoid future traps.”
-Susan Nolen-Hoeksema PhD, author, ‘Women who think too much’ and ‘Eating, Drinking, Overthinking; The Toxic Triangle of Food, Alcohol, And Depression And How Women Can Break Free’

Replaying negative events over and over in our mind has a negative affect.
Talking about them helps see;
http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/it%E2%80%99s-good-talk

Fear is a happiness thief!

veryhappyphil — Wed, 20 May 2009 18:33:18 +0800

One thing often stops us from achieving our goals or living our values. Ourselves. Our fear!

I have fears. Fortunately I don’t have one of the most common fears; talking to an audience! It is only natural we have fears; it is an important part of our inbuilt survival mechanism. Psychologist Abraham Maslow famously identified our human needs which include “Safety, protection against danger, freedom from fear and security.” But some fears are helpful (like killer sharks or killer spiders) some fears are unhelpful (like humans and audiences that don’t bite!)

Fear can hold us back from doing what we want to do or being who we want to be. I will give you an example; I had a fear of rejection. To avoid rejection I would avoid actions where I could be rejected like asking out girls. Although I had a desire to have a loving relationship and boost my happiness (a close loving relationship is one of the biggest happiness boosters), I avoided being really happy by avoiding rejection. It’s a path of less happiness! We must not let fear hold us back.

We cant change the past!

veryhappyphil — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:24:22 +0800

Sometimes we can learn from past mistakes. I will give you an example; when I ate about a kilo of chocolate and didn’t feel good afterwards I learnt from that and I’ve avoided doing it again!

Sometimes there is not a ‘lesson’ in the past but we spend hours and hours looking for one. I will give you an example; when I started approaching companies looking for work, I began looking for faults in my approach when I when unsuccessful with some companies. However, I took a while to realise that it was more about finding the right client. Success is a numbers game! The same goes for success in work, life and love.

We can often waste time thinking unproductively. I will give you an example; One of my clients admitted to spending a LOT of time thinking about the past. We can’t change the past! I told him “Give up all hopes for a better past”.

Regretting is just like watching a bad movie, again and again. And again. Pointless and painful!

Here are a few of my favourite quotes which inspire me;

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for things we did not do that is inconsolable." -Sydney Harris

“It is more painful to live with regret than to live with adventurous mistakes. Take your chances and give it everything you have got, you’ll have no regrets. Regret would keep me up all night. I will not give myself sleepless nights with regret. Pride gives great sleep.”
-Phil McNally, ‘Winning Mentality’