You love yourself and others

Invisible relationships can boost our happiness

veryhappyphil — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 12:14:24 +0800

Close relationships are essential for happiness..

I've been thinking recently about what I call "invisible relationships", and
how useful and beneficial they are. I find it hard to describe the
relationships i mean simply without a detailed explanation. Some people have
a close relationship with a God, or dead relative or guardian angel or
imaginary friend.

I've not read much research on this type of relationship but I'm convinced
of its usefulness.

After all close relationships are one of the biggest happiness boosters and
essential for mental well being. And if the invisible person can help guide
us to listen to our intuition and heart then our decisions and life's will
be better.

This week: have a think about invisible relationships.

If you've know a better term for these alternative relationships let me
know.

I will tell you a little story; My girlfriend went had a session with an
Angel therapy practitioner and the information she was told and advice from
her angels was amazing and comforting. And the info on me was too! The
gifted woman in Aberdeenshire, I may go visit myself. Make up your own
mind. I believe it. While we are open minded, we were initially skeptics
on unproven stuff like this!

"The mind is like an umbrella - it only works when it is open".
-Scientist Sir James Jeans

Whatever your 'invisible' relationship is; angel, God, dead relative -you
could find it comforting to have this relationship and the guidance useful.

I will give you an example; Andrew Carnegie is said to have had imaginary

Boost health and happiness....get a dog! (or cat!)

veryhappyphil — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 12:28:03 +0800

People with pets are happier and live longer!

Pets are so good for health that dogs are taken into hospitals to help patients heal! Dogs seem to boost health best. Cat owners have better health than non cat owners though.

Retirement homes with pets have residents living longer and with better health than those that don’t.

Pets boost health!
Pets increase fun!

I will give you an example; Seventy percent of family’s with pets were happier and had more fun!

Here are a few of my favourite quotes which inspire me;

All we need is love

Have a happy PET week!

Keep positive!

Phil McNally
Author & Mental Heath Expert

Remember,
“Happy people have a pet! Having a pet boosts our health and our happiness!”
–Phil McNally, Author

“Hit the spot, well paced with solid content. Thought it was refreshing, highlighting the benefits of positive thinking needs to be a continuous process. Unfortunately it is too easy to drift back to the perceived comfort zone of negativity. Personally I feel better about myself and what we’re chasing as a team.”
-Andy Skinner, Business Development Manager, Red Spider Technology

"I have witnessed Phil excite, enthuses and empower his audiences. Here at PSYBT our clients have ideas, goals and dreams, with his techniques and encouragement Phil McNally lets them turn them into reality!"
-Simon Fraser, PSYBT Manager

FREE happiness boosters every Monday here; http://www.veryhappyphil.com

It’s good to talk!

veryhappyphil — Tue, 19 May 2009 17:52:19 +0800

It’s good to talk. If we are unhappy for any reason, we can boost our happiness and our mental and physical health by talking to someone. Talking is SO beneficial.

I will give you an example; In one study people who simply talked about a traumatic experience into a tape recorder (as though they are talking to a friend) were just as likely to benefit as those who wrote about the experience. Writing is also a useful method to use if we have experienced a traumatic experience.
(If you would rather talk to someone and you don’t have someone to talk to remember you can call the Samaritans or Breathing Space. See below)

For more info on writing see here;
http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/its-good-write

Talking with a close friend (or counsellor) is one of the best ways to help us cope after a traumatic event. Research shows- It’s good to talk. I will give you an example; In two extensive studies on resilient people who recovered from a trauma, they were found to have reached out and talked to someone. For more info on resilient people see here; http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/resilient-people-are-happy

I will tell you a little story; I remember the real ‘hotel Rwanda’ manager Paul Rusesabagina talking to Oprah and when she asked him how his family and kids managed to cope he said that they often ‘we sit round the table and talk’.

Happy people have happy friends!

veryhappyphil — Tue, 19 May 2009 17:50:20 +0800

We become like the people around us. Happy people can lift us up, support us, humour us, inspire us and cheer us into a happy mood. Where as if the people around us are sad, sooner or later we will either join them or feel guilty about not being sad, which will make us sad!

If we join a happy tribe, we fit in by being happy to.
If we join an unhappy tribe, we need to be unhappy to fit in.

One of the tips in my book for increasing positivity is spending time with positive people and avoid negative people as much as possible. Recent research has proved this advice to be very effective when it comes to happiness. Research found that people with happy friends, family, neighbours were more likely to be happy especially if they lived nearby!

Your task this week; Spend time with happy people!

Here are a few of my favourite quotes which inspire me;

Emotions are contagious!

Smile and people smile back!

You can only be as successful as the people you hang around.
You can only be as happy as the people you hang around.
Hang around sad people long enough and we will catch it too.

Find some happy people and copy them.

Have a happy FRIENDS week!

Keep positive!
Phil McNally
Author & Positive Psychology Coach

Remember,
“Happy people have happy friends!”
– Phil McNally, Author & Positive Psychology Coach

PS Contact me if you want a coaching session or mental health presentation for your team!

PPS To read recent reviews of my book;
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1904762115/winningmental-21

New year resolutions can make us unhappy!

veryhappyphil — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 06:32:42 +0900

About 7million people will set new year resolutions this year and 1 in 10 will stick to it by the end of the year. New year resolutions can be a bad thing. Here’s why. 3 ways we can decrease our happiness and mental health; High Expectations Beat ourselves up Trying to be perfect

I will give you an example; me! I realise it looks like these emails are typed up in a few minutes however it often takes me hours! Why? I’ve got internal very high standards. I only realised not long ago that I could rephrase it as ‘I’m trying to be perfect’. I knew that perfectionism is NOT a good thing therefore since then I have been attempting to be less perfect and less demanding with myself and my writing. It’s an on going battle!

“Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle inside” –Plato

“There are no happy perfectionists. I’ve never met one.”
- Dr Robert Holden PhD, ‘Happiness NOW!’

Are you a perfectionist?
Do you do some personal development?
Do you read weekly emails on how to increase your happiness?
Reading and doing self development can be a sign we think we need to improve ourselves.

“When i was 30 i gave up self improvement and began self acceptance.
Self acceptance is the key to happiness.”

I have already previously mentioned how high expectations reduce happiness. Read it here; http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/the-secret-happiness-low-expectatio...

"The secret to happiness is low expectations."
-Psychologist Barry Schwartz

Close Relationships are VIP to health and happiness!

veryhappyphil — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 01:01:14 +0800

Human beings are social creatures and one of our core needs for psychological and physiological health is the need to feel a sense of belonging, to feel loved. I will give you an example;

Renowned psychologists Ed Diener and Martin Seligman did a famous study examining very happy people and compared with others. Very happy people were not richer, smarter, fitter or healthier; the difference was that all they had “rich and satisfying social relationships”.

Close relationships are one of the most meaningful and important factors in happiness. One of the biggest ingredients in happiness is number of friends, closeness of friends, closeness of family and relationships with coworkers and neighbours. In research these relationships account for 70 percent of personal happiness. If you feel close to other people you are four times more likely to feel good about yourself. People who are satisfied with their life have been found to have regular experiences with family and friends. A major negative impact on happiness is wishing for better family relationships or romantic relationships or friendships. Be grateful for what we have and have no regrets for what we do not have.

The secret of happy couples- 5 hours of OPRAH!

veryhappyphil — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 02:10:03 +0800

One of THE biggest free happiness boosters we can have is a lover! Almost all very happy people are found to be in a happy loving relationship. (Although some very happy people don’t, I will give you an example; Monks.) This week I felt it would be very useful to get the best advice on happy romantic relationships.

The best advice around comes from Dr John Gottman. Gottman is an expert who has studied and researched couples for years. He studied happy couples and found that these couples devote an extra five hours per week to their marriage. Here is what these couples do and I strongly recommend this wisdom to you. Of course, you have the option to vary these rituals according to your schedule, but don’t allow the busyness of life to slowly chip away at doing this. This is a minimum foundation, not the maximum.

5 HOURS OF O.P.R.A.H. EVERYWEEK;
One Weekly Date: Just the two of you in a relaxed atmosphere,
having a date and renewing your love. Having fun
(2 hours once a week).
Partings: Before these couples say good-bye every morning,
they find out one thing that each is going to do that day, showing
interest and support to the other.
(2 minutes X 5 days of the week = 10 minutes)
Reunions: At the end of each workday these couples have a
20min. low-stress reunion conversation, before immersing themselves
in other tasks, hobbies, etc.
(20 minutes X 5 days of the week = 1 hour 40 minutes)
Admiration and Appreciation: Every day genuine verbal
appreciation is given to each other at least once.
(5 minutes X 7 days = 35 minutes)

Its good to write!

veryhappyphil — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:04:40 +0800

What has been the most traumatic event you have had in your life?

Did you turn to a friend for support? Talking with a close friend (or counsellor) is one of the best ways to help us cope after a traumatic event. Research shows- It’s good to talk. Research shows- It’s not good for mental or physical health if we don’t talk. Unless we write. Research shows- It’s good to write. I recently discovered a scientifically proven and effective strategy which can boost our happiness and help us cope. The proven writing exercise below has been tested on and helped hundreds of people.

Your task this week;
“Over the next four days, I want you to write about your deepest emotions and thoughts about the most upsetting experience in your life. Really let go and explore your feelings and thoughts about it. In your writing, you might tie this experience to your childhood, your relationship with your parents, people you have loved or love now, or even your career. How is this experience related to who you would like to become, who you have been in the past, or who you are now?

Many people have not had a single traumatic experience but all of us have had major conflicts or stressors in our lives and you can write about them as well. You can write about the same issue every day or a series of different issues. Whatever you choose to write about, however, it is critical that you really let go and explore your very deepest emotions and thoughts.

Hugging makes us happy!

veryhappyphil — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 03:37:24 +0900

Hello!

How are you? Have you had a hug today?!

Hugging makes us happy! I will give you an example; researchers asked one group of students to give and receive at least five hugs a day for four weeks and although students averaged just over one hug a day all students boosted their happiness! (Students averaged 49 hugs over the four weeks)

Have you ever given out free hugs to strangers in the street? Juan Mann did in Sydney three years ago and continues to give out free hugs during his lunch break every Thursday. He became so famous when his video was viewed online by 24 million people that he was invited to meet Oprah on her show! I found his short video clip below inspiring;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

I will tell you a little story; I went to meet Juan one Thursday last time I was in Sydney but wasn’t out hugging that day so I gave out FREE HUGS instead! Armed with my Journal above my head ‘FREE HUGS’ written on both sides I stood there for 5mins 45 seconds before my first hug! (*I was giving out real hugs! Big hugs, not fake hugs, half hugs or tough kid one arm hugs!) About one in thirty people were brave enough to come up for a hug. I think the ratio would have been higher with a less self conscious crowd or party drinkers! I have seen people with FREE HUGS T-shirts too. Great idea! I encourage everyone to give out free hugs where ever you go. You WILL boost your happiness and that of people you hug! Spread happiness!

Here are a few of my favourite quotes which inspire me;

“HIV is not transmitted through touch.”

Very happy people; Very social people!

veryhappyphil — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 01:15:34 +0900

Hello Very Happy People!

I hope you had a great week. Did you spend time a lot of time with your friends, family, lover? One of my favourite facts from the happiness research is that very happy people spend the most time socialising. (There are some very happy people who dont do this but they're rare.) Therefore it is clear advice from the experts that to increase our happiness we must increase our social time. Or to put it another way, If we wish to continue to be very happy we must continue to spend time socializing.

Here are a few of my favourite quotes to inspire you;

"Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other gold"
-unknown

"To be depressed is to be lonely; to have a friend is to be happy..."
- Guido

"It's the friends you can call up at 4am that matter."
- Marlene Dietrick

"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."
- Henry Ford

"Very happy people spend the least time alone and the most time socializing. Very happy people differ markedly from both average and unhappy people in that they all lead a rich and fulfilling social life."
-Martin EP Seligman PhD, 'Authentic Happiness'

Have a HAPPY SOCIALISING week!

Keep happy!

Very Happy Phil
:)

Remember,
Very happy people spend lots of time with other happy people!
–Very Happy Phil

PS Thanks for your feedback Sue;

"You're superb, an excellent mentor!
Big hugs, Sue x"