Happiness is top priority

How to talk to someone depressed or suicidal?

veryhappyphil — Tue, 11 May 2010 21:34:10 +0800

I have been 'stumped' this year because I didnt know what to say to a suicial patient.

I did some research and studying to find some useful advice.

I have been low a few times during my life and felt suicidal twice.

Yes, hard to believe perhaps. But I'm human and happiness is not a permenant fixture in my life or anyones.

If you want to know how to talk to someone who is very low, unhappy, or suicidal I have compiled some useful guidelines below and on my website.

In a nutshell. Listening. Not talking!

In a nutshell. LISTEN. With Empathy.

Empathy. Not sympathy!
Whats the difference? See my website.

If we want to improve any relationship. LISTEN. With Empathy.

If we want to solve problems with kids, friends, lover. LISTEN. With Empathy.

If we want others to understand us or hear what we have to say.

I've even used this approach in talking to myself.

I encourage us all to remember the advice below and share it with others so they know how to listen/talk to us when we are upset/low/suicial.

I have worked with trained and untrained nurses and counsellors and almost every one of them starting talking instead of listening to people with problems!

Empathy is very rare. Empathy is very effective.

I will give you an example;

Patient is found crying by student nurse.

Student- “What is the matter?”

Patient- “ I’ve got thoughts of hanging myself. I just want to die”

What should we say?

Student- “Sounds like you don’t want to live anymore.“

Happy people take a little ACTION everyday towards their goals!

veryhappyphil — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 12:14:30 +0800

Take some action towards one of your goals today!

Don't expect to achieve it right away!

Rome wasn't built in a day!

This week; have a think about that!

I will tell you a little story; I was asking for some swimming tips one day,
after returning to swimming for the first time in a year or more. I was
finding it very hard to swim anything close to my previous maximum distance
of 400m. The young swim coach said "Swim a few lengths today and then next
time swim a bit more and the next time swim a bit more." I smiled! And
thought to myself "wow brilliant advice. To think I used I write a book
about goal setting!" I had expected myself to be able to be as good as I
was. I needed to start from stratch. Baby steps!

Here are a few of my favourite quotes which inspire me;

"Four stages of success; DREAMING. PLANNING. ACTING. CELEBRATING."
- Joseph Douglas, Hakomi Counsellor and psychotherapist, Perth, Australia

"Dream. Believe. Plan. Act. Achieve."
-Walt Disney

People who are taking action towards their goals are more likely to feel satisfied and less likely to give up.
(Research by Elliot 1999)

Have a happy week!

Keep positive!
Phil McNally
Author & Happiness Expert

Remember,
"Happy people take action towards their goals!"
Happy people have goals!"

- Phil McNally, Author & Happiness Expert

PS More info on goals in previous blogs;

http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/goals-are-good-happiness

http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/best-possible-self

Invitation: Yes or No

veryhappyphil — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 12:14:27 +0800

I will tell you a little story: Today I've been thinking about a wedding
invitation I received. I then by chance (co-incidence ?) saw a quote I had
saved on my laptop, "keep in mind that you are always saying 'no' to
something" s. covey.
I love it.
I am always saying no to something
I am always saying yes to something .....every minute of every day!

Today I said;
Yes to a shower
Yes to porridge
Yes to internet banking
Yes to saving
Yes to....

What are you saying no to?
What are you saying yes to?

This week; have a think about that!

I invite you to think about saying 'yes' to some happiness and some
happiness boosters.

What will you say 'yes' to today?
Tuna sandwich?
Work out after work?
Early night?
TV?

Have a happy SAY 'YES' TO SOME HAPPINESS week!

Keep positive!

Phil McNally
Author & Happiness Expert

Remember,
"Happy people say 'yes' to happiness! And 'no' to unhappiness",
Happy people have happy habits.
Happy people think, act, eat, exercise and communicate in ways that help their mood"

- Phil McNally, Author & Happiness Expert

PS Yes or No? Interested in saying 'yes' to happiness? Happier or your
money back. Limited space next month for my happiness coaching.

PSS More proven FREE happiness boosters here; http://www.philmcnally.com

PPS Apologies for anyone who left me a voicemail last year. I didn't get it.
2009 was not a great year for my mobile company. It would appear anyone who
called me and left a message on my voice mail didn't realise I would never

Happy people spend their time and money on experiences not possessions!

veryhappyphil — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 12:14:17 +0800

I was just reading today about some research which concluded people who invest time and money in experiences not possessions were happier!

Remember this when it comes to birthdays, Christmas’s and Valentines!

I will tell you a little story; I was reflecting on what I think kids need and I came up with love, food, and lots of fun! (of course bed/house/sleep/exercise is essential too)

I then read advice on good parenting from experts at children’s charity NSPCC which had a list of ‘kids need’s. Guess what number one was?
Love! Also on the list...fun!

I didn’t see expensive house or presents anywhere on the list!

When it comes to happy kids or happy people it’s the experience that counts!

This week; have a think about that!

Have a happy EXPERIENCES week!

Keep positive!
Phil McNally
Author & Happiness Expert

Remember,
“Happy people invest their time and money in experiences not possessions!”
– Phil McNally, Author & Happiness Expert

PPS Interested in being happier? I’ve do happiness coaching. Happier or your money back.

PSS More proven FREE happiness boosters here; http://www.philmcnally.com

Our time to be happy!

veryhappyphil — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 12:14:13 +0800

How we spend our time is directly linked to our happiness.

I will tell you a little story; A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of small pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "Yes." The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now", said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions - things that, if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.

What makes you really happy?

veryhappyphil — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 12:14:10 +0800

Complete this statement;

What makes me really happy is...

My favourite happiness booster is....

This week: have a think about that!

Email me your fav happiness increaser

What makes you happy?

I will include most answers and the best answers next week!

One person will win a superb happiness coaching package from me!

Have a happy year!

Phil McNally

Remember,

What makes you happy?

PS email me!

OUR goals; OUR happiness!

veryhappyphil — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 17:26:55 +0800

At any point in time I am often working on my goals or helping others achieve their goals. Sometimes I do what makes me happy. Sometime I do what makes others happy. Sometimes both. Fun days and Kind deeds can be win- win.

Are you working on YOUR goals?
Are you doing what makes YOU happy?

This week; have a think about that!

Recently I’ve been working on demanding goals and yet I’ve found myself side tracked and distracted helping others achieve their goals. Did I need to? Did they need me to succeed? No and no!

“Learn to focus Phil! Learn to say no. And ‘do’ no. Let others do it themselves, learn themselves, fail, achieve, grow, help themselves!”

Some deeds can be win-win
Some deeds are win-lose (we LOSE out on our goals, our happiness, our time)

Whose goals are you working on this week?

Have a happy YOUR GOALS week!

Keep positive!
Phil McNally
Author & Happiness Expert

Remember,
“Happy people have goals and focus on them! Happy people do what makes them happy! Sometimes they make others happy too.”
– Phil McNally, Author & Happiness Expert

PS Did you know more men die from cancer than women?

PSS Did I really need to send this weeks email? Did I really have the time?

Determination is essential for happiness!

veryhappyphil — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:45:42 +0800

Dedication is what we need!

Whatever our goal; to be faster, fitter, thinner, healthier, richer or happier; motivation and determination are essential!

This week; have a think about that!

“The more motivated a person is to become happier the more successful he or she will be. Effort and commitment are king.”
-Prof Sonja Lyubomirsky Ph.D. ‘The How of Happiness’

‘Most true happiness comes from one’s inner life, from the disposition of the mind and soul. Admittedly, a good inner life is difficult to achieve, especially in these trying times. It takes reflection and contemplation and self-discipline’
-William L Shirer

“Dedication is what you need” –Roy Castle, Record Breakers (theme song)

Have a happy DETERMINED week!

Keep positive!
Phil McNally
Author & Happiness Expert

Remember,
“Success is hard work! Happiness is hard work!”

– Phil McNally, Author & Happiness Expert

PS See a picture of my MOvember moustache here!

PSS Make a donation to Movember and raise funds for Prostate Cancer here;

https://www.movember.com/uk/donate/your-details/type/donate-to-cause/mem...

Why don’t you switch off the TV and do something less boring instead?

veryhappyphil — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 18:56:43 +0800

Why don’t you switch off the TV and do something less boring instead?*

Last night in the UK more than an estimated 15m people watched the TV. (most ‘X Factor)

That’s APPROX. 1 in 3 people

Around 1 in 3 people in the UK experience depression at some time. (Some perhaps at 9pm last night…)

Co incidence?

TV is not a stress buster or a happiness booster!

This week; switch off the TV and do something less boring instead!

Take your pick from your favourite happiness booster or any of the many on my website!

Have a happy LESS BORING week!

Keep positive!

Phil McNally
Author & Happiness Expert

Remember,
“Happy people have happy habits! Unhappy people watch a LOT of TV.”
– Phil McNally, Author & Happiness Expert

PS What did you do? What will you do?

PPS What did I do? Guess

I went for a run! …….and had a great idea for this weeks blog!

* This is the ironic name of a weekend kids TV show from the 1980’s. Brilliant advice.

The Psychiatrists Secret for Success and Happiness!

veryhappyphil — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:53:29 +0800

We often think emotionally and negatively and it stops us from taking action. I will give you an example; In my book ‘Winning Mentality’ I relate the following example. Imagine there is a plank on the ground and our desire is to walk across it because of a reward at the other side. The task is straightforward so we could achieve our desire. However, imagine the plank is high up between two buildings and suddenly the task is not so easy! This time our imagination comes into play and the fear created within our imagination is stopping us taking action to achieve our desires. Logical thinking would be helpful. Negative thinking is detrimental.

Thinking emotionally and negatively causes ourselves unnecessary stress and worry and not only make us less happy but also make us less successful. I will tell you a little story; Victoria Pendleton failed in Athens and Succeeded in Beijing due to one man. Dr Steve Peters.

“My first impression was that you had this really astute, really good woman who was completely taken over by her chimp. Let me explain: there are two aspects of your brain that work independently of each other. One is quite emotional and irrational; the other is logical, capable of making good judgments. I call the emotional part ‘the chimp’. He was controlling Vicky.

“But we have a choice here, logic or emotion, it’s up to us. Because Vicky was so ready to change and so capable of understanding what she had to do, I was very excited. ‘I can fix this’, I thought.”
- Dr Steve Peters, Psychiatrist