Very Happy Phil

Sometimes comparisons to those worse off than ourselves does boost our happiness. I will give you an example; Psychologists did research and found Bronze medalists were happier than silver medalists!

"If you win a silver, it is very difficult to not think, 'Boy, if I had just gone a little faster at the end . .’ The bronze-medal winners -- some of them might think, 'I could have gotten gold if I had gone faster,' but it is easier to think, 'Boy, I might not have gotten a medal at all!' "
-Thomas Gilovich, psychologist, Cornell University.

Silver medalists compare themselves against someone better off than them (psychologists call this upward counterfactual thinking). Bronze medalists compare themselves to people who did worse (psychologists call this downward counterfactual thinking).

Sometimes downward do NOT boost happiness. I will give you an example; “down ward comparisons (e.g. ‘He’s got laid of’, ‘Her cancer has spread’) may lead to feelings of guilt, the need to cope with others envy and resentment and fears of suffering the same (or worse) fate.” -Prof Sonja Lyubomirsky Ph.D. ‘The How of Happiness’

There are a few occasions when comparing does boost happiness, like when being grateful or when being inspired by someone. However comparing often has a negative impact and is to be avoided.

Would you like to be richer or sexier? fitter or thinner? smarter or funnier?

“No matter how successful, wealthy, or fortunate we become there is always someone who can outdo us.” -Prof Sonja Lyubomirsky Ph.D. ‘The How of Happiness’

We often compare ourselves to others which is a habit which has helped us survive for thousands of years however in today’s world the more we compare ourselves to others the more unhappy we are. This is because of our tendency to compare ourselves to those better off.

I will give you an example; Professor Mintz surveyed a group of women and discovered that all women were equally and negatively impacted after watching images of models in magazine ads for just three minutes. And the weight of the women in the survey viewing the models made no difference. They all decrease their self esteem.

“These unrealistic images of women, who are often airbrushed or partially computer generated, have a detrimental impact on women and how they feel about themselves.”
- Laurie Mintz, associate professor of education, school and counseling psychology, University of Missouri-Columbia

I will tell you a little story; Economists and Professors Sara Solnick and David Hemenway did some research on social comparisons. They asked people if they would rather earn $50,000 a year while other people made $25,000, or earn $100,000 a year while others got $250,000. More people chose the first option! In their research; Most people would rather have more money than others, rather than having more money.
Most people would rather be more attractive than others, rather than be more attractive.
Most people would rather have smarter children than others, rather than having smarter children.

We often compare our circumstances to others however circumstances, like being wealth, age, income, home have only a 10 % effect on our happiness; http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/3-ingredients-our-happiness-genes-c...

On reason for this is we adapt to our circumstances quickly. Therefore becoming richer (winning the lottery) has not been found to boost happiness; http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/who-wants-be-a-millionaire

Instead of comparing, copy happy people. Ways in which we can defuse envy and increase happiness; Avoid comparing Awareness of when we’re comparing (and awareness of when it is having negative impact) Stop envying those better off (learning and modeling ‘heroes’ is ok/helpful) Be Inspired and motivated by others Be grateful Put things in perspective (down ward comparisons) Positive Measure ourselves by our values and progress and our own internal aspirations and characteristics Savour what we have got Avoid exposing ourselves to people we deem better, smarter, richer, thinner or sexier!

Not following these makes us less happy.

Here are a few of my favourite quotes which inspire me;

“The happiest people… take pleasure in other’s successes and show concern in face of others failures. Happy people use their own internal standards to judge themselves rather than letting others … influence their feelings about themselves.” -Prof Sonja Lyubomirsky Ph.D. ‘The How of Happiness’

“Happiness is the measure of true wealth” - A. C. Grayling

“Trying to stop the social comparison process is important for helping all women. Most women do not go to a counselor for advice; they look to Seventeen or Glamour magazine instead.”
- Laurie Mintz, associate professor of education, school and counseling psychology, University of Missouri-Columbia

“Researchers have shown that (social) comparisons can be useful. Sometimes they inspire us to strive for an ambitious goal or to improve a weakness. However, upward comparisons (e.g. ‘He’s got a better salary’, ‘She’s thinner’) may lead to feelings of inferiority, distress and loss of self esteem, while down ward comparisons (e.g. ‘He’s got laid of’, ‘Her cancer has spread’) may lead to feelings of guilt, the need to cope with others envy and resentment and fears of suffering the same (or worse) fate.”
-Prof Sonja Lyubomirsky Ph.D. ‘The How of Happiness’

Watch our environment because they affect our thoughts Watch our thoughts because they affect our emotions and our actions

Wishing you a joyful and meaningful year filled with love, fun and challenges.

Have a happy NO COMPARING week!

Keep positive!

Phil McNally
Positive Psychology Coach

Remember,
“Happy people have happy habits!
Don’t keep up with the Jones! Comparing ourselves to smarter, richer, sexier or happier people is one route to unhappiness!
– Phil McNally, Positive Psychology Coach

“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance”- Derek Bok

Get some happiness education from me! Ignorance and unhappiness is expensive!

“Hi Very Happy Phil
I liked the talk - lots of motivation and happy people I'm a bit slow at learning, ie puting new practices in place, so I like your weekly reminders of how to get happy I think I am much the same level of happiness, Regards”
Angela

© Phil McNally 2008
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