Very Happy Phil

About 7million people will set new year resolutions this year and 1 in 10 will stick to it by the end of the year. New year resolutions can be a bad thing. Here’s why. 3 ways we can decrease our happiness and mental health; High Expectations Beat ourselves up Trying to be perfect

I will give you an example; me! I realise it looks like these emails are typed up in a few minutes however it often takes me hours! Why? I’ve got internal very high standards. I only realised not long ago that I could rephrase it as ‘I’m trying to be perfect’. I knew that perfectionism is NOT a good thing therefore since then I have been attempting to be less perfect and less demanding with myself and my writing. It’s an on going battle!

“Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle inside” –Plato

“There are no happy perfectionists. I’ve never met one.”
- Dr Robert Holden PhD, ‘Happiness NOW!’

Are you a perfectionist?
Do you do some personal development?
Do you read weekly emails on how to increase your happiness?
Reading and doing self development can be a sign we think we need to improve ourselves.

“When i was 30 i gave up self improvement and began self acceptance.
Self acceptance is the key to happiness.”

I have already previously mentioned how high expectations reduce happiness. Read it here; http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/the-secret-happiness-low-expectatio...

"The secret to happiness is low expectations."
-Psychologist Barry Schwartz

I have already talked about how beating ourselves up reduces happiness. Read how to take the pain out of self beatings and negative thinking here; http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/stop-beating-yourself
“Thoughts are not facts! We can't stop the negative thoughts but we can stop the pain if we accept and dispute our negative thoughts or accept and defuse our negative thoughts.
We can choose what we say to ourselves. I am the special one!”
– Phil McNally

Helpful advice;
In a nutshell, we must have low expectations, be kind and gentle on ourselves and accept ourselves as OK just the way we are. No one’s perfect!

Rather than new years resolutions. Set new positive goals. We must not set 100 HUGE goals to achieve by the end of the year!

It can take time to change a ourselves and our habits. Starting or stopping something. I will give you an example; a study showed that when people want to make changes or adopt more positive habits it can take several attempts to succeed. Find more ways to achieve goals and motivate yourself in my book. Here is some guidelines on goal setting for you;

http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/best-possible-self

http://www.veryhappyphil.com/content/goals-are-good-happiness

Here are a few of my favourite quotes which inspire me;

“I’m a generation thinker. I tend to think 20 to 30 years ahead.”
-Freddy Heineken

“I’m ok. You’re ok.”
- Thomas A Harris MD, ‘I’m ok - You’re ok’

New Year's resolutions could be bad for your mental health. "New year's resolutions can sometimes focus on our problems or insecurities such as being overweight, feeling unhappy in our jobs or feeling guilty about not devoting enough time to friends and family throughout the year. We chastise ourselves for our perceived shortcomings and set unrealistic goals to change our behaviour, so it's not surprising that when we fail to keep resolutions, we end up feeling worse than when we started. In 2009, instead of making a New Year's resolution, think positively about the year to come and what you can achieve."
-Paul Farmer, CEO, Mind

“There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with anyone. There is nothing wrong with us. If you want to be a true healer you need to tell people there is nothing wrong with them. A true healer spots peoples light.”
-Avanti Comar (advice given to friend and fellow student Robert Holden)

“We look for joy but we are joy. We seek love but we are love. The search for happiness is actually the denial of it. Rumi says ‘We are thirsty fish.’

We are already what we seek. To be truly happy you need do nothing.
Self improvement starts with the thought of lack. Someone you are not enough already. It was on my 30th birthday that I gave up self improvement and began self acceptance.

I need do nothing. The thing that we try hardest is the thing we have most difficulty with. The number 1 principle of the Happiness Project is; Unless I am happy with myself I will not be happy with; 1) with what I do, 2) with what I have, 3)where I go, 4)who I am with. Be honest about the truth of your unhappiness. Happiness is not about what you have. It’s a choice. The Dali Lama was asked ‘why are you still happy?’ He replied “It is true the Chinese have taken away my country and my right to visit my country. But my mind is mine.”

It’s an interesting catch 22 but often when you have a low opinion of yourself that drives you to achieve enormously the only problem is that until change your mind about yourself no matter what you achieve you won’t get the enjoyment of it and you feel compelled to achieve again and again and again.

Nothing in the world can make you happy. No possession can make you happy. Essentially to be happy we have to surrender to the happiness that is with us now.

Stop improving your life and start living. Happiness is a choice.
When we are in pain nothing is going on other than we are holding a negative thought about ourselves. When we are in joy we are practicing total self acceptance.”
-Robert Holden Ph.D ‘A PhD in Joy’

Have a happy YOU ARE OK week!

Keep positive!

Phil McNally
Author & Positive Psychology Coach

Remember,
“Happy people accept themselves the way they are. Happy people set positive goals! Happy people are forgiving and kind to themselves. Happy people are not perfcetionists!”

– Phil McNally, Author of ‘Winning Mentality’