Very Happy Phil

What has been the most traumatic event you have had in your life?

Did you turn to a friend for support? Talking with a close friend (or counsellor) is one of the best ways to help us cope after a traumatic event. Research shows- It’s good to talk. Research shows- It’s not good for mental or physical health if we don’t talk. Unless we write. Research shows- It’s good to write. I recently discovered a scientifically proven and effective strategy which can boost our happiness and help us cope. The proven writing exercise below has been tested on and helped hundreds of people.

Your task this week;
“Over the next four days, I want you to write about your deepest emotions and thoughts about the most upsetting experience in your life. Really let go and explore your feelings and thoughts about it. In your writing, you might tie this experience to your childhood, your relationship with your parents, people you have loved or love now, or even your career. How is this experience related to who you would like to become, who you have been in the past, or who you are now?

Many people have not had a single traumatic experience but all of us have had major conflicts or stressors in our lives and you can write about them as well. You can write about the same issue every day or a series of different issues. Whatever you choose to write about, however, it is critical that you really let go and explore your very deepest emotions and thoughts.

Warning: Many people report that after writing, they sometimes feel somewhat sad or depressed. Like seeing a sad movie, this typically goes away in a couple of hours. If you find that you are getting extremely upset about a writing topic, simply stop writing or change topics.

Getting Ready to Write
Find a time and place where you won't be disturbed. Ideally, pick a time at the end of your workday or before you go to bed.

Promise yourself that you will write for a minimum of 15 minutes a day for at least 3 or 4 consecutive days.

Once you begin writing, write continuously. Don't worry about spelling or grammar. If you run out of things to write about, just repeat what you have already written.

You can write longhand or you can type on a computer. If you are unable to write, you can also talk into a tape recorder.

You can write about the same thing on all 3-4 days of writing or you can write about something different each day. It is entirely up to you.

What to Write About;
Something that you are thinking or worrying about too much
Something that you are dreaming about
Something that you feel is affecting your life in an unhealthy way Something that you have been avoiding for days, weeks, or years

What to do with your Writing Samples;
The writing is for you and for you only. Their purpose is for you to be completely honest with yourself. When writing, secretly plan to throw away your writing when you are finished. Whether you keep it or save it is really up to you.

Some people keep their samples and edit them. That is, they gradually change their writing from day to day. Others simply keep them and return to them over and over again to see how they have changed.

Here are some other options:
Burn them. Erase them. Shred them. Flush them. Tear them into little pieces and toss them into the ocean or let them wind take them away. Eat them (not recommended).
If what you have written could hurt others (or yourself) if it became public, I encourage you to destroy your writing. If this is not a concern, do whatever you want with it.

Why is writing so useful? Probably several reasons including: a) putting something into words makes it real -- you are acknowledging something that you may have kept secret; b) write about something helps to organize it and to put it into perspective; and c) translating an experience into language changes the way it is represented in the brain -- it simplifies it and provides more distance from it.”

-Dr James Pennebaker (Copyright 2008)

Advice from my old geography teacher seems to come into my mind; “don’t use etc, don’t use tipex, read the question twice and always go back and re-read the question when you think you have finished writing your answer” (quote unquote, or wise words to that affect).

Here are a few of my favourite quotes which inspire me;

“Turning to social support….is one of the most effective strategies that exist.”
-Sonja Lyubomirsky PhD ‘The how of Happiness’

"Everything happens for a reason, the trick is to work out the reason."
-Joanne Jamieson

Research shows that those that find some meaning after their trauma recover better and are happier.

I remember the real ‘hotel Rwanda’ manager Paul Rusesabagina talking to Oprah and when asked how all his family coped he said ‘we sit round the table and talk’.

I have found it benefical to talk about a bad experience with a friend once but i found it NOT benefical to go over the bad experience again and again with others.

Wishing you a joyful and meaningful life full of love, fun and challenges,

Phil McNally
Positive Psychology Coach

Remember,
“It’s good to talk! Its good to write!”
– Very Happy Phil

© Very Happy Phil McNally 2008
Creative Commons
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/