Very Happy Phil

I have been 'stumped' this year because I didnt know what to say to a suicial patient.

I did some research and studying to find some useful advice.

I have been low a few times during my life and felt suicidal twice.

Yes, hard to believe perhaps. But I'm human and happiness is not a permenant fixture in my life or anyones.

If you want to know how to talk to someone who is very low, unhappy, or suicidal I have compiled some useful guidelines below and on my website.

In a nutshell. Listening. Not talking!

In a nutshell. LISTEN. With Empathy.

Empathy. Not sympathy!
Whats the difference? See my website.

If we want to improve any relationship. LISTEN. With Empathy.

If we want to solve problems with kids, friends, lover. LISTEN. With Empathy.

If we want others to understand us or hear what we have to say.

I've even used this approach in talking to myself.

I encourage us all to remember the advice below and share it with others so they know how to listen/talk to us when we are upset/low/suicial.

I have worked with trained and untrained nurses and counsellors and almost every one of them starting talking instead of listening to people with problems!

Empathy is very rare. Empathy is very effective.

I will give you an example;

Patient is found crying by student nurse.

Student- “What is the matter?”

Patient- “ I’ve got thoughts of hanging myself. I just want to die”

What should we say?

Student- “Sounds like you don’t want to live anymore.“
Fact; Empathy and understanding patient is a very effective/helpful strategy

Student- “Would you like to talk about it?”
Fact; Time and Opportunity for patient to talk is very helpful

Student- “How long have you felt like this?”
Fact; Open questions -help patient to talk and give information
-help student develop understanding of patients thoughts and feelings & develop empathy with patient

Student- “You sound upset, but you also look angry.”
Fact; Clarifying based on what you hear and see (and your intuition) is helpful

Student- “You have been feeling low for 2 weeks.”
Fact; Summarising what you hear is a helpful ‘active listening’ technique. It shows patient you are listening.

Student- “Have you made any plans?”
Fact; Confirms if plans have been made. Good question to ask (Barker 2007). Don’t worry about asking.

Student- “Do you want to give me the tablets?”
“Will you flush the tablets at home down the toilet?”
Fact; Helps to encourage recovery and prevent suicide.
If someone is determined to kill themselves they will.

Student- “If you feel really low again and have thoughts of killing yourself you could come and talk to me….
Or if you are at home you could call The Samaritans. Have you got their number in your mobile phone?
What other things would you find helpful if you are feeling low again?”

Fact; Promotes a helpful coping strategy for future and helps to prevent suicide.

Student- “Would you like to make an arrangement for us to meet up and talk again? Tomorrow? Next week?”
Fact; A future commitment and verbal commitment from/with the patient is helpful for suicide prevention. The offer develops relationship. The patient is aware of future chance to meet and talk and may find it reassuring.

What should we NOT say?

What response doesnt help?
Giving our advice, our experience, our sympathy, our hope, our prediction or life story.

Read my full presentation here;
http://www.veryhappyphil.com/

For more info;
http://www.samaritans.org/your_emotional_health/active_listening.aspx and
http://www.samaritans.org/your_emotional_health/difficult_conversations....

This week; consider talking to yourself and friends with empathy.
Consider putting The Samaritans number 08457 90 90 90 into your phone. You never know if you or a friend or stranger will need it.
I put it into my phone on the 18 May 2010.

Have a happy LISTENING & EMPATHISING week!

Keep positive!

Phil McNally

Author & Happiness Coach

Remember,

“Using empathy is just like using first aid! Very helpful when someone is hurt, mentally”

– Phil McNally, Author & Happiness Coach

PS New edited ebook of 'Winning Mentality' Available now!

"This is one of the most thought provoking and motivating self help books I have ever read (and believe me I have attempted to read quite a few!)" -Paul Timms

Buy and read it today! No postage and packing charge!

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© Phil McNally 2010