Very Happy Phil

One thing often stops us from achieving our goals or living our values. Ourselves. Our fear!

I have fears. Fortunately I don’t have one of the most common fears; talking to an audience! It is only natural we have fears; it is an important part of our inbuilt survival mechanism. Psychologist Abraham Maslow famously identified our human needs which include “Safety, protection against danger, freedom from fear and security.” But some fears are helpful (like killer sharks or killer spiders) some fears are unhelpful (like humans and audiences that don’t bite!)

Fear can hold us back from doing what we want to do or being who we want to be. I will give you an example; I had a fear of rejection. To avoid rejection I would avoid actions where I could be rejected like asking out girls. Although I had a desire to have a loving relationship and boost my happiness (a close loving relationship is one of the biggest happiness boosters), I avoided being really happy by avoiding rejection. It’s a path of less happiness! We must not let fear hold us back.

I will give you an example; One of the proven methods to facing fears is gradual exposure. I remember when I went cliff jumping (into water!) with friends, I started on the low easy jumps and gradually got higher and higher. I may not have followed it accurately enough because when I got to the biggest jump (about 7m) it took me several minutes to jump. Finally, I thought to myself "Stop thinking and jump!" And I jumped! (I picked the phrase up from former world champion Dan Millman’s inspiring book 'The Inner Athlete')

I want to avoid pain. That is only natural. Therefore I find it useful to imagine my future if I never faced my fears. It is a painful future and less happy path! What is stopping you from achieving your goals and living your values?

Alternatively, you could ask yourself the great question used by Tony Robbins and included in my first book ‘Winning Mentality’; If you had no fear what would you do?

Another way to identify our fears is to ask ourselves the question in Chuck Spezzano PhD’s great book ’50 ways to let go and be happy!’ “Imagine you DON'T want your goal. Why don’t you want it?”

Face fear using ‘gradual exposure’, ‘stop thinking and jump!’ or ‘winning mentality’ or get help from myself or a counselor, coach or psychologist who can help you with fears.

Here are a few of my favourite quotes which inspire me;

Scary thoughts create a scared person!

“Confident thoughts create a confident person.” – John Kehoe, ‘Mindpower’

“There are only two emotions love and fear.” - Michael Leunig

“We do more to avoid pain than gain pleasure.” – Anthony Robbins ‘Awaken the Giant Within’

“First you jump off the cliff and you build your wings on the way down.”
-Ray Bradbury

"Stop thinking and jump!" -Dan Millman, 'The Inner Athlete'

" Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time;
it is regret for things we did not do that is inconsolable."
-Sydney Harris

The things that make us unhappy have a fear, gift and lesson for us.
We don’t fear failure. We fear what we will tell ourselves if we fail.
-Dr Robert Holden, ‘Happiness NOW’

"Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be so brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are we not to be? You are a child of God: Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
~Marianne Williamson

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.” -Mary Manin Morrissey

‘Who dares wins.’ – SAS motto

“There are risks and costs to a program of action. But they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction.”
-John F. Kennedy

"Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do, than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.”
–Inspirational American legend Mark Twain (1835-1910)

"All of our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."
- Walt Disney

"The first and the best victory is to conquer self." –Plato

‘Fear is the friend of exceptional people.’ –Geoff Thompson

“All fears are about control.” -Dr Phil McCraw

“Fear is one of the happiness thieves.”- Dr David Lykken PhD, ‘Happiness’

“When you consider the outcome of a fearful situation, tell yourself; ‘I can handle it!’” –Susan Jeffers Ph.D ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’

“Fears are expensive! Fear is always the emotion that holds us back. It is more painful to live with fear than to face fear. It is more painful to live with regret than to live with adventurous mistakes.”
-Phil McNally, ‘Winning Mentality- 7 Mind Techniques used by Winners’

If you had no fear what would you do?

Don’t let fear hold you back. Do what you want to do.

Being happy takes courage. We have to be courageous and face our fears.

Have a HAPPY FEAR FACING day!

Keep positive!

Phil McNally
Author

Remember,
“We have to be aware of our fears and never let our fears hold us back from doing what we want to do and being happy!”
–Phil McNAlly, author

PS Discover 7 powerful techniques to help face fear in my first book ‘Winning Mentality’, which you can buy NOW from;
http://www.veryhappyphil.com

PPS If you want to buy these books please use the link below;
Dr Robert Holden is one of the most impressive happiness psychologists I have ever come across. Oprah thinks a lot of him too! His book and audio is full of wise advice on happiness;
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Happiness-Now-Timeless-Wisdom-Feeling/dp/1401920...

If you learn just a few of the tips from this books like me it will be worth the cost of the book many times over! Chuck Spezzano PhD has some great advice in his book ’50 ways to let go and be happy!’
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Happiness-Best-Revenge-Ways-Past/dp/034079352X/r...

One of the best books on mind power. Simple+ compact + brilliant= bestseller! Some of the tools are in my first book and some are not;
http://www.learnmindpower.com/shop/product/mind-power-into-the-21st-cent...

I shared the lesson I learnt from this book in my first book. The first time I learnt about connection between values, rules, goals, fears, pain, pleasure and happiness was in Anthony Robbins great book ‘Awaken the Giant Within’;
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Awaken-Giant-Within-Immediate-Emotional/dp/07434...

Dan Millman is a former world trampoline champion who has written an inspiring book ‘The Inner Athlete’ based on his experiences and success;
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Inner-Athlete-Realizing-Fullest-Potential/dp/091...

FREE happiness boosting tips
http://www.veryhappyphil.com
5 H.A.P.P.Y. Habits of Very Happy People;
Happiness is top priority
Altruistic kindness
Positive attitude
Positive health
You have love for yourself and others (+love from partner and others)

© Phil McNally